miss u

I NEED YOU HOUIE!

I LOVE YOU!

I want to be with you!!!!

the price I have to pay

so i got my three signs to stay here: dad, gym, test results.

i think the world had been telling me to stay but i kept on brushing it off and fighting it. now i surrender to the voices that told me to stay.

and i realized a few things for myself: 1.)i really don't want to be a doctor--cuz i dont wanna work til i'm old, i don't want to be an employee forever, or a slave of my career. 2.)it seems like the voices are telling that I don't like healthcare either. however its a gud source of money, but i gotta work hard for it, risk my life and the life of others. ha! but i'll wait in see for more signs and voices that will really tell me, healthcare is not for me.

well my decision: is to stay here, well at least for another 3-5 years.


but with that decision, i have to sacrifice me, my emotional health, and of course, you.

I know, even love gets tired, impatient, quit. Even with the voices and signs that tell me to let go, i won't. cuz i'll fight for you til u tell me to stop. i'll fight for me and you. i'll fight, for me to be happy--and that's with you.

It's unfair, to scarifice us for my selfish reasons of staying.

No one understands that we're a couple. No one understands that with me staying, it affects me and you and our relationship together. i'm full of anger, despise, and pain, but i know even if my hopes were only wishes, i still hope u'll be able to come here and be with me.

i love you.

i love you still.

i'm hopeful, yet shattered in pieces...

immigration

HOPE...
HOPING....
WISHING....
DREAMING....



i want ehr to be with. I want to be with her. YET here I am, got no way for her to be with me. pnu kaya to! di naman sya pde basta makapunta dito.

WHAT? as tourist? then what she has to go back... we dont have that much money.
RelativeS? niya? wala.

WORK? hay... goodluck. di naman sa pagiging negative, but panu? we need help, we cant do this on our own.

MARRIAGE? hay... lst resort. but its hard, the risks lalo na if we dont really know the person.

I don't know. its just that immigration rules sucks!
All iwanted is to be with her. She's the one for me, found her, but can't get her!
PHAKSHET!

i need help. will u help us? cuz i really want to be with her, and she wanted to be with me too.
ME? i can't be at two places at the same time. WIsH i cud.

lesbian TV!

AKO'y Umiinom NG... soda! (diet mt dew code red)

well i've been detoxifying for what 2months now? which turned out really well.
Now that I am certain that I will not be ADDICTED to SODA again... now that I know I CAN CONTROL MY DRINKING SODA HABITS... i will maybe drink on occasion.
and today is the first day...
BUT I PROMISE NOT TO DO What i havebeen doing before: drinking 5-8cans per day.


SO SODA ISNT A BIG DEAL NO MORE. i have learned how to control that.
i can't even finish 1 can now! it burns in my throat! haha
________________________

i have been watching SOUTH OF NOWHERE and EXs and OHs. (Of course I also have the complete 4 seasons of L WORD).
pero I LOVE SOUTH OF NOWHERE [son] next to L WORD.
well L word is like THE pioneer! its like the first lesbian show that really showed lesbian couples doing lesbian stuffs + normal human stuffs. Plus I love the characters too.
but SOUTH OF NOWHERE IS A DIFFERENT STORY...
di ko alam y, kinikilig ako! I mean yeah kinikilig ako sa L WORD! but with SON i really feel that it's true. i have not been into a whole damn lesbian community na all females u see are lesbians (like L WORD and EX's and Oh's). its not that simple! the flirting, etc.

so in short, i can relate to SON more. just like how ashley and spencer met. became close friends muna after spencer moved, soon naging sila na.... basta astig!

if i have time... maybe i should get me a copy of all the episodes of sON! donchathink?
hmmm and how about SUGAR RUSH? eh... i like it din... heheh basta i liek them all... least i like is ex's and oh's -- mejo corny eh!

uie! wish u can watch all these with me!

psudo-gourmet meal

AKO'y NAHUHUMALING SA... {home-made salad}


An attempt for a gourmet dish. What I really like about gourmet food, is the presentation. Not so much the taste cuz i hate too much flavors and complex flavors. pero I love the way its presented and yung art of making food LOOK Good!
This is a rotisserie chicken, with mashed potatoes and garlic sauteed chard.

Simple lang.

store bought chicken: 4.99/whole chix

2-3 large russet potatoes: sale! 3.99/20lb

1 tbsp canola/olive oil

garlic

chard

tspn flour

milk

JUST wilted chard with toasted garlic, seasoned with salt and pepper.

ur favorite MASHED POTATO recipe

gravy

LOOKED much better when placed in plate independently.mashed potatoes and gravy.. with garlic! OOOOOOOOOO saRAP!

affordable and yummy! what more can u ask for?

Ki ni naru noni kikenai
Oyogitsukarete kimi made mukuchi ni naru
Aitai noni mienai nami ni osarete
Mata sukoshi tooku naru
Togirenai you ni Keep it going baby
Onaji kimochi ja nai nara tell me
Muri wa shinai shugi demo
Sukoshi nara shite mitemo ii yo
I wanna be with you now
Futari de distance chijimete
Ima nara maniau kara
We can start it over
Hitotsu ni wa narenai
I wanna be with you now
Itsu no hi ka distance mo
Dakishimerareru you ni nareru yo
We can start it sooner
Yappari I wanna be with you
Hitokoto de konna ni mo kizutsuku kimi wa
Kodoku wo oshiete kureru
Mamorenai toki keep on trying, baby
Yakusoku toori ja nai kedo trust me
Muri wa shinai shugi demo
Kimi to narashite mitemo ii yo
I wanna be with you now
Futari de distance mitsumete
Ima nara maniau kara
We can start it over
Kotoba de tsutaetai
I wanna be with you now
Sono uchi ni distance mo
Dakishimerareru you ni nareru yo
We should stay together
Yappari I need to be with you
------------------------------------------------

if only i can say in foreign language the pain inside me, cgro mas better un. so that I wudnt expect to be understood. i wouldnt expect to be listened to.
im burning up inside. the pain eats me inside out.
wlang makakaintindi,kahit gaano ko kahirap ipaintindi.
wlang makinig, kahit gaano ko kalakas isigaw.
so what's the point of me, telling you this?
wala.
this way kahit itong walang sense na blogger na to. baka sakali may makinig.
im exhasuted.
im tired.
soon enough, ifonly i can retire from this.
i wud ran away and seek comfort in your arms.
all I wanted is for you to be here, beside me, hold me, and be with me.
tanigna-------------------------------arg!