the price I have to pay

so i got my three signs to stay here: dad, gym, test results.

i think the world had been telling me to stay but i kept on brushing it off and fighting it. now i surrender to the voices that told me to stay.

and i realized a few things for myself: 1.)i really don't want to be a doctor--cuz i dont wanna work til i'm old, i don't want to be an employee forever, or a slave of my career. 2.)it seems like the voices are telling that I don't like healthcare either. however its a gud source of money, but i gotta work hard for it, risk my life and the life of others. ha! but i'll wait in see for more signs and voices that will really tell me, healthcare is not for me.

well my decision: is to stay here, well at least for another 3-5 years.


but with that decision, i have to sacrifice me, my emotional health, and of course, you.

I know, even love gets tired, impatient, quit. Even with the voices and signs that tell me to let go, i won't. cuz i'll fight for you til u tell me to stop. i'll fight for me and you. i'll fight, for me to be happy--and that's with you.

It's unfair, to scarifice us for my selfish reasons of staying.

No one understands that we're a couple. No one understands that with me staying, it affects me and you and our relationship together. i'm full of anger, despise, and pain, but i know even if my hopes were only wishes, i still hope u'll be able to come here and be with me.

i love you.

i love you still.

i'm hopeful, yet shattered in pieces...