LOSER...

AKO'y NAHUHUMALING SA... tulogzzzZZzZZzzzz...

TODAY: I AM OFFICIALLY GIVING IN.

I'm tired.

NAKAKASAWA rin pala to always swim against the current. ACting strong even if u'r not.

WELL TODAY, AS I SAID, IM GIVIN UP.

I SURRENDER.

let's see kung hang san and hanggang kailan ako mamahinga sa paglaban. KAtulad ng kahit na sinong character--- lahat sila nagpapahinga--- ang tanong hanggang kailan? at kung babangon akong muli upang labanan ang lahat.

bits en peeses

I STARTED MY VERY FIRST IV (OFF ORIENTATION) sa guy na related sa officemate ni ama.
oh well, I acted as if I am the expert at it!nyaaaaaaaaahahahha! shhhh..pero im not. im not as nervous as when peeps are watching over my shoulder. so whatever. hehehe

the only thing that matter I got it in the first try... hahah.. well the guy flinchd bt didn't hit me..(he's a little out of it, and he is confused.nyahaha)
_______________________________________

I LOVE YOU and u know that...
mainit lang ulo ko kasi matigas ang ulo mo. you know ur limit. once u puked ur guts out after driking that means ur not meant to drink. several reasons y pipol drink.....
now tell me what's urs? kasi if ur drking para lang magfit in..forget it. it's not the way to go.
sana lang u know ur limits. and I know naman na alam mo eh. but u know what... better to drink at home kesa kung san san... and the worst part?
u rode in a car nadinadrive ng drunk driver... I've seen a lot of patients in the hospital dahils a drunk driver.... ur smarter than that... diba?


anyway... I'm also pissed kasi u know naman na this week is my off week. we cud have planned sumthing, a nice long chat sumthing memorable for us.. oh but hinde! cuz u know what lei, ur here and sya nasa malayo. doesn't matter.
ur delirious to think that u can have a date over the internet or spend tym together. oh well I guess lei ur really stupid lang talaga.
what's worst? ur expecting agian. I thought tapos na tayo sa discussion na to. move on lei... move on.... let it go... do ur stuff...
dont even plan on talking to her no more. she'll beg u din after a while. do ur own thing.

cut cut cut---haircut!

its me.... and my new hair cut...

kung ayaw mo ng gupit ko pretend u didnt notice!hahaha

kung may coment ka okay lang.. what the hell... can i be a hairstylist? hrap maggupit sa sarili nakakangalay shet!

yan ako: bago magsimula ang lahat.... bago mangati ang kamay ko... bago ko mailabas ang stress sa katawan ko... yna ako... tamad maggupit ng buhok... yan ako.... nilalasap ang sarap ng buhok na makapal na nakabalot sa ulo ko...

pero eto na ako ngayon................................

so anung say mo!? di yan bra na nakalabas sa sando ko ah!!! ice pak yun may kumagat sa kilikili ko eh... mejo may indurated area na red at makati eh! hahaha.. shet.. matutulog na ko pala.. pucha... 1230am na pala... cge na! paalam.. kung may sasabhin ka.. eh di sabihin mo.

do i love my hair?????

ewan at leat my buhok.hahah

MONEY

AKO'y NAHUHUMALING SA... pera


oo pera. money. dollars. peso. pera. money.
its hard to believe how and why.
but i think what's keeping me sane right now is money.

scenario 1:
every day before I go to work, i motivate mysefl, i push myself to go to work why? because of money.

scenario 2:
kapag i feel like givin up, during my shift... i think about my hourly pay (with tax NOT yet deducted para mas malaki ang motivation hehe)

scenario 3:
without money, i cudn't buy cellphone credits, ym credits para makatawag at makatxt sa pinas... para makausap ka. and this is what really keeping me sane and going... whenever u pushes me to go...and wake up everyday...

scenario 4:
without money i cudn't do things i wanna do... and that is to earn lots more so i don't have to work my ass off para lang kumita ng pera... para magawa ko ung gsto ko and go away to be able to think what I wana do.. what i want and all that shitness...

scenario 5:
without money its hard to be superior. with all the flaws people have minsan money can prove urself to other pipol. i need that. u know y? cuz i don't want to be the 2nd class or 3rd class citizen sa mundo. I wanna be even if not more than those 1st class citizen living here. may it be race, gender, SES, sex, size, religion or whatever....

I may be into money for all the wrong reasons... I may be expecting too much of it either... pero at least di ko ineearn un in wrong ways diba?

growing up people say: :MONEY CANNOT BUY HAPINESS, money cannot buy everything, money isn't everything.

but realistically speaking: ISN'T MONEY MAKES A LOT OF THINGS FUNCTION?

well yeah.. that includes me right now... kung wlang sweldo, I wudn't even... EVEN think of goin back to work again. hahaha...

kwento sa friendster-a happy ending

AKO'y NAHUHUMALING SA...yo

---------- well sa friendster I stumbled upon this group of filipino lgbt. browsing through, merong isang story na i got curious. actually I love ready short stories about love and all that. I used to go to peyups.com and read through their stuffs-lalo na pag love stories. KAso I think lately di na mashadong naguupdate dun.

anyway i found the story to be very simple.. ung words and all that.. sobrang easy read. so kahit mejo may kahabaan siya... natapos ko naman. HERE's the part that made me cry :( huhuhu

"Kase, I wanted you to think about yourself kahit minsan. That's why I never
bothered to bother. I thinked about us, that night, that time we were together I
wanted what we had to last. Sa tingin mo pag nagsama tayo maasikaso mo pag-aral
mo. Sa panahong kinilala kita, puro ibang tao na lang asa isip mo, puro
kapakanan nila ni hindi man lang iniisip sarili mo. You always thinked about me,
my sakeKung nagsama tayo when we were in college, you wouldn't reach this far...
And baka dun pa lang, we would have ended thingsI know everything that happened
in your life, your achievements, your goals. Bong kept me updated, and he
promised not to tell me about me knowing about these things." he said to me in a
harsh voice.His voice mellowed,"Alam mo ba, na walang araw na hindi ako nagdasal
after your graduation that you reach your dreams and get wherever you want to be
in your life ng hindi ako nakakasagabal. Pero higit sa lahat, I prayed to God na
hindi mo kalimutan ang pangako kong mahal kita, and maski ngayon it hasn't
changed. I love you so much, for me to wait all these years. I can't take it any
longer"

------------------------------------------------

this part here makes me wonder... now that I have this person in my life na sobrang mahal ko. Syempre gusto ko maabot niya rin ung mga dreams niya simula pa noon. Gusto ko rin na may sarili siyang buhay apart from me. MArami akong gusto para sa kanya... though yun nga... gusto ko yung mga yun di ko naman kasi talga alam kung anu yung gusto niya eh...

Pero narealize ko rin its too late now. we already have our lives intertwined planning things for both of us.... hmmm...

on the other hand narealize ko rin how painful it is for me at sa kanya. and Ayoko maramdaman niya yung pain na ganun.

I REALLY LOVE YOU... alam mo yun diba? miss na miss na miss na kita.

Kung kaya ko lang talga sabihing ayoko na dito at umuwi na lang diyan. Sana may lakas ako ng loob to break other people's heart and be more decisive for myself.

dontchathink?

Dont cha think I'm so lucky?!?!

::::: let me tell yah what I got for my early birthday from uieko!

nike: messanger bag.... ohhhhh so nice! LOVIN' IT!

personalized shirt: Yan ung ginagamit kong sort of logo for my BLOG ehehhe..and hopefully my soon to be business.. hahah!

and how about a super mabusising sobrang artistic and super amazing "poster board?" or she said it was made of paper clay! OMG! SOOO CUTE! Kinuha ni uieko sa dating layout ng blog ko!!! hehe.. got that jeep from online... personalized it with the names and all that... tas with a caption of "HOY PINOY AKO!" cuz I AM!

and look at that..... SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AMAAAAAAZING! kita mo ung back print ng shirt? IT HAS THE LOGO FROM MY HOPEFULLY CLOTHING LINE (URbanned by urkuletz) and my soon to be CAFE/RESTO/bar (kuletz cafe)

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CAN I SAY 4 words?

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

malapit na ang 5yrs

AKO'y NAHUHUMALING SA... dofus


SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON.... 5 yrs na.
it has to be so very special. pressure magisip ng sumthing that wud make u cryin tears. hay... kung pde lang sarili ko ang regalo ko... kung pede lang kta makita.
sana

namimiss na kita. seryoso. its been a yr and few weeks na since I last saw u and held u in my arms. Di ko alam kng panu ko nakakaya but its just so sad... isang yakap lang? kahit yun lang. masaya na ko. sana pde. i miss u. ako mis mo rin ba ako?

cge na... pagpapahingahin ko na tong laptop.buong araw bukas. pag nabasa mo to txt mo ko.

i miss u sobra.

i love you.

tulungan mo kong kayanin yung ganito.

i love you.

Today...

I offer you this flower and my deepest and sincerest condolences. I hope you are happy and your family be happy onto where you are now. May your soul rest in peace and your spirit be remembered always by your family.

I dedicate this moment of silence for you and your loved ones. May all their sorrow and grief soon be replaced with hapiness and celebration of your life here on earth.