MABUHAY ANG MGA BAKLA AT LESBIANANG PINOY!!!

We are here.
We are tangible.
We are not hiding.
Are we invisible?
Y can't you not know?
Y can't you not see?
We are real.
We exist.
We breathe.
We are alive.
We are gay.
Yes, we are GAY.


Mabuhay ang Pinoy! REad this article about the Filipino Director who won in Berlin Gay Film Fest.
http://news.inq7.net/breaking/index.php?index=1&story_id=66621

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Mahirap maging Pinoy sa bansa ng mga kano. Mahirap maging 'colored' sa bansa ng mga puti. It is hard to be gay in a 'straight' society. Ang hirap maging ako.

Dont talk to me....

YOU SUCK! YOURE NOTHING!

FUCK OFF! DONT YOU EVEN TALK TO ME!
DONT EVEN GET ANYWAY NEAR ME
OR YOULL TASTE HOW MAD MAD I AM
IL SMASH YOURE HEAD AND WATCH YOU BLEED
YOULL BEG ME TO HELP
BUT I WOULDNT!YOU IDIOTS!
DONT TALK TO ME
YOULL HEAR THE RAGE INSIDE ME
DONT EVEN COME CLOSE
OR ELSE IL EXPLODE!

LIFE SUCKS
SO DO YOU
YOU FUCKING SHITHOLES
GET AWAY FROM ME!
YOU ANNOY ME!
YOU PISS ME OFF
I DONT NEED YOUR FUCKED UP SHITNESS
I DONT NEED YOU
I DONT NEED ME
THERES NOTHING I NEED XEPT FOR RAGE
ANGER
REVENGE

YOU WONT SEE SOMEDAY
YOU WONT EVEN HEAR ME
WONT EVEN FEEL ME
YOU SHITHOLES!
FUCKED UP ROTTEN SHITS
IL BURN YOU IN HELL WITH ME
WITH ME

Swisayd survivors...

Here's the last support group attendance req't of one of my classes.

I went to this SURVIVORS of SUICIDE meeting...

I know what you're thinking!!! MALI!

It's not about those who attempted it, but those loved ones left behind. Wag nyo ko tanungin what's my stand on it, coz isang mahabang debate ito with myself. IT's a dilemma na until now, I haven't figured out yet. But yesterday, it was not about me... it was about them... their experiences with grieving, their experiences with their battle of depression, loss, and anger.

I'm sure mahirap mawalan ng love ones. If it's swisayd, who are you to blame? yourself? the society? their frends? booze? or the love one you lost? Lots of questions left unanswered. And I know exactly how that feels, yung each night you mind will be plagued by questions... but kahit how many times you sleep-getup-sleep-getup... it will never have answers... NEVER.

It was so sad. I caught a tear or two every once in a while, pero sobrang pinipigil ko umiyak. I understand them, but I understand the pipol who died more. There may be ways to solve a problem, but not for them. They may be happy, smiling and able to do everyday responsibilities, but deep inside, it's a slow burning candle. You'll never know how many hours, days, months or even years pa ang itatagal before their wick runs out. I could have talked, as a person who have entertained for several times the thought of doing it. I talked.. to myself.

And everytime I nod my head, I agree. I agree that what they felt was horrible intense pain. Masakit. Masakit kaya their only way out is to die. To fulfill that dream of peace. It's not stupidity for most pipol, they have reasons. Just like us... we have reasons to live... reasons to endure the pain... for some, reasons are gone.

Those who have died commiting suicide, killed themselves not to punish their love ones, not to intentionally hurt them, but to end the pain... it came to a point that it is too much to handle. And this is what I believe in.

So if we ever u want to prevent suicide: Give the people you love reasons to live. REASONS. REASONS ans reasons before they hit the wall and just goes blank... Don't let them reach a point where evrything you say, will never be heard anymore...
_____________________________________________
I understand that not all suicide are based experiences, some are side effects of medication and some are for unknown reasons... this is just me talking... ME.

My name is Lea and I am...

... ... ... ... ... ... a Lesbian.


Such a fun experience, last friday, I went to an AA meeting (Alcoholics Anonymous) that is a LGBT friendly group. I was anxious, nervous and scared in the beginning, but felt really excited. I came with a friend, it was for our psych nursing class.

We parked, we buzzed and there we were, inside a small rented office space.

May coffee spot on the right, a huge rainbow flag with an inverted triangle on it on the door, the 12-steps poster all over the wall and a group of guys you will never even think of as alcoholics. (But some you can tell, but not all of them. Just like I can tell that some are gays and lesbian but not all of them.)


My name is xxxxxxxxxx ...... ...... ...... Hi xxxxxxxxxx ....... ..... I am an alcoholic.


Though some of them have a lot more added...

My name is yyyyyyyyyyyyy.... I am an alcoholic, a lesbian, an addict, a gambler and a suicide survivor... (whew.. i just made up this one though, but thats the idea.)

It was my turn to speak...

Teka muna hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko.. Im scared Im nervous... Im going crazy... Di ko inexpect that they would let us talk. We were just there to observe, not to talk. But it was fun. I get to publicly thank them, for gicing me the opportunity to learn so much about life's lesson.

Inside of me, I am thankful that I don't have to go through what they have been, to learn those lessons for they have taught me lessons I will never be able to learn at this point of my life.

Their testimonies are true. It was not paid by the manufacturer of this product and for an advertisement of this thing. Every word, every curse, every tear, every anger, every hope... came from themselves and from the group.

Sabi ko nga, I hope every immigrant will have that support group. It was a fun experience. If i only had that access when I came here... di siguro ako masisiraan ng ulo.

What the heck, I had all these people --- I mean stranges in the net community who helped me to survive.

FOR ALL OF YOU... THANK YOU.

I OWE YOU PART OF MY SANITY.

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I hope there will soon be an I.Q. (Immigrants & Queers)...

Obsessive Love Disorder ---heard it?

ako'y kumakanta ng: "... and its you and me & all other people..."

Have you heard of Obsessive Love Disorder?

I think I have it. I'm so inlove with her. Not in a violent way. Never thought of hurting her or kahit na sino pa. Its just that I love her. I love her truly. Wala namang masama dun diba??

Pero what's been bugging me, she might be better off without me. Parang ako yung nagpapagulo ng lahat eh. So, I think I might have to let her go. Set her priorities for herself hindi para sakin. Sobrang magiging selfish ako if I know that may mga bagay na dapat niyang gawin dahil gusto niya. I think she needs time for herself. To see and explore the world around us, by herself.

Pero mahal ko kasi eh. And I have the Obsessive love disorder. It will be painful, but if that's for the best, then I am willing to feel the pain and endure the loneliness, para sa kanya. I love her.

I love her. I really love her. Its beyond what human minds can understand. Its something only the two of us can understand through our hearts.

I guess im obsessed with love. Im obsessed in giving her the best that I could.

Just a thought. We still have to talk about it.